Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Cleaning house. Taking names

Dyson Vacuum In Flight: Afternoon Delight!

     At the beginning of this summer, I crafted a master list of all the tasks and projects that I wanted to get done by Labor day. Call it whatever you like, ("Horseshit that my PA should be doing" is what I call it), it is an ever-changing list that I live by every summer. This year it included over 20 boring jobs  items such as the following:
                                                   Paint entire main floor of rooms inc. trim work.
                                                   Switch out all outlet covers (old ones were yellowed)
                                                   Install shelves and crown moulding 
                                                   Backyard improvements
                                                   Clean and organize lower level.

     That last S.O.B.  item  took me ALL SUMMER LONG to complete. Today it is 90% done (exception is getting my fashion styling clothes and accessories collection shelved and hung in a spare closet. I think that can be done over a bad-weather weekend) 

     Whatever, let's get to the fun rehash of today's basement-cleaning festival. Lisa, my sister, came down around 10 am and she spotted my vintage silver and fur boots on top of a bag of fashion shoot gear. She couldn't kick off her sandals fast enough! All of the sudden she demanded for me to take pictures in the boots.

"Look what I can do- KICK!"- Lisa.
       Apparently, silver boot time was not over yet. This time it lasted even longer.
          Eagle Eye McGee (Lisa)  had found my second pair (OH.YES. I have more than ONE pair of vintage silver booties. These are embroidered to the max. They are perfect with 60's mini dresses and Raquel Welch-style racing jumpsuits).  Note she is wearing the one-of-a-kind peanut bracelet I made last year for a show. It is missing one google eye. She wore it home.

           Lisa has clearance to handle my glitters. Some of which are made from the tears of Italian Renaissance cherubim. (I think that is where Martha Stewart sources her line of glitters. Pretty certain anyway.)

      Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot Stuuuuufuf. Donna Summer 70's Rollerskating sessh redux. Complete with peanut bracelet and DUBBLE COMBS. You think she waited around long during slow skate? Uh no. Check it.
      Well, it wasn't all fun and games, besides being accused of "taking a pill (?)" when I was in fact, scratching my lip and looking up at the ceiling to see if the light was on...(I WISH I had pills to knock me out instead of being bossed around all day. Dang.) I got chastised for being a professional artist with this shitty paper punch. "Is this your paper punch? I mean it's like max one sheet at a time." Her revulsion is written all over her face. Jesus. I wish I had a better paper punch.

In progress: a Green Bay Packers "Overcharmed" charm bracelet I was making for her friend's birthday
             While she was sorting pens, markers, glitter, dead gluesticks, desiccated spiders and jewelry findings, I was making her friend a Packers charm bracelet because that is what she told me I had to do (Best not to question). I used a mix of vintage and new things in this particular one. I have a ton of disassembled vintage jewelry components with which I craft these kinds of bracelets and necklaces. I don't make earrings or rings. So no one ask.

      Final fitting. She wouldn't let me leave my "jeweler's station" until it was done. I was hungry. Tired. Super thirsty. Oh. Did I mention she is my bossy elder sister? She makes me look like a sleepy sloth? It's true.
      After I was released from the charm bracelet gulag, we took a trip to the 66 station to get her favorite treat ( Amish Glazed Popcorn) LAST BAG!

      I took my spoils. I mean, I paid for them and everything. But after all of that work, I splurged on an icy fountain Coke and some snacks. Bowling Alley Food Snack! Lisa bought me some Gold Rush gum (the nuggets in that little canvas drawstring bag as a reward). 

     LESSON: Sometimes all we need is someone to jump in and help you finish a big job. It's kind of the best gift in the world.


Saturday, September 1, 2012

Ladies Who Lunch

Getting to go to the TJ Maxx with Heather and I is kind of like hoping to win the lottery. You really want to, you think it would be super fun and everyone would be totally jealous if it came true! (Just play along). Here are 13 reasons why a day off with us is the most fun anyone could actually ever have.

1. Heather wears her pirate skull scarf AND locates Nelly's Apple Bottom Parfum in about 5 nanoseconds after entering the store. Good thing they have this brand on lock-down.

Double up on Ed Hardy Deodorant anti-stank solids for her two husbands (SJM and David always get matching personal hygiene items. Natch.

I dangled this sandalwood soap-onna-rope above her head so as to mesmerize her and to hypnotize her into buying me lunch. I was hungry for pho soup and it was only 9:35am. "You will get verrrrry generous....."

This forest scented soap had something addictive added to it because it kinda turned my friend into a fiend. "SNNNNOOOORRRTTT. Oh let's look at dresses. Snnnnnoooort."

 I can only keep one eye fully open as I breathe it in....feels so good. But I'm kinda gettin' 'leepy.

This should fit. It is hanging in the 14-16 part of the rounder rack. But it says size 2. Well, *where* it is hanging supersedes any dumb ol' size tag sewn in the garment, right? Goody!

 These are vegan?! 

Hip Hip Hooray. Ho. Hey. Ho. 

Heather struggles here to reconcile her love for the old south labels and Civil War  pickled egg treats with how gross the picked eggs must surely taste. I said I would eat them. I love pickled food. She said that they would only be a click above eating them out of a bar jar where some TB-encrusted trucker arm had been fishing around for pickled eggs about a million times. Sure, I replied, these would be more sanitary. No one bought them. I was sorely tempted however we realized it was 5 min to 11 and we needed to meet another pal for lunch. No eggs for me.

Melissa and Heather did not know I was taking this photo at the time. But they will know after they read this blog post. I am not drinking anything until I get my avacado boba tea! (see below)

A delicious vietnamese treat! Avacado boba tea with tapiocas!

Shrimp Pho. Insanely good. 

Before we left the restaurant, I treated Heather to an arm (gel pen) tattoo! It is of a "suicide tooth" - we made a pact at lunch that before we got left at a county nursing home when we are 100 years old we would craft a suicide tooth to sneak in and chomp as they wheel us through the door. Kind of like the astronaut's cyanide capsules. This tattoo is about 5 inches high. After lunch, she had to go to the vets office. So that was probably awesome for them to see. I told her I can draw it again if she ever wants it on there permanently. (Who wouldn't, right?)